


Blind Spots

by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Study, Fifteen Minute Fic, Gen, Light Angst, POV First Person, Strained Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-15
Updated: 2004-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:31:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2451377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenfalling/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Culmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's so much like James, I said the first time we disagreed; this must be a mistake.  (Sirius reflects during OotP.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blind Spots

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was inspired by the 6/13/04 [15minuteficlets](http://15minuteficlets.livejournal.com) word #59.

He isn't James, I tell myself. He isn't, you can't expect him to be, and you can't treat him like he is. He's like Lily if he's like either of his parents, and mostly he's built himself out of the most unpromising materials, managing to find a sense of honor and fair play despite the Dursleys. I doubt James could have done that.

But he looks so much like his father. And the first impression -- skinny boy, messy black hair, glasses, mad about Quidditch, careless about classes, willing to throw himself into certain death and able to snatch victory from its jaws -- is so overpowering that when the differences begin to show, it's hard to make myself acknowledge them.

He's so much like James, I said the first time we disagreed; this must be a mistake.

But it wasn't.

Harry learned caution somewhere, something James never really grasped even after his actions might endanger a wife and son. He learned, if not how to outright lie, at least to evade and avoid and circumvent questions he doesn't want to answer. He learned the feeling of always standing outside looking in.

It's funny that James was the only one of us four who never knew that feeling. Remus was obvious. Peter was sidelined -- or sidelined himself, the sneaky bastard -- by being small and often slightly slow and bumbling. And I never quite felt -- still don't, actually -- as if I belonged in Gryffindor, as if I'm a good man.

A family like mine is hard to leave behind.

I wonder if Harry feels that way about the Dursleys?

He can't, can he? They're not his _real_ family, not the people who are supposed to love him but overlook him all the time in favor of his brother, who spit on him for his differences and his values and his friends. James and Lily are his family, and Remus and I are part of that by default. And we love him, the way the Potters loved James, and it's desperately unfair that we can't bring him to live with us, with no war and no Voldemort and no manhunt hanging over my head, so we could show him that he _does_ have family.

But he can't come live with me, the way I went to live with James when my parents threw me out. I can't repay my debt that way.

So I do what I can. I write to him, I worry about him, and I do my best to make him know that he does have family. I dig back into my memory and pester Remus and try to think of what a 15 year old boy likes and wants to talk about.

And if I sometimes slip and expect Harry to act like James, well, I can't see how I can be blamed for that. They may not have that much in common, but who else could I use as a model?


End file.
